I Worry...

I worry.  It isn’t Godly of me but I do it anyway…but then again, I’m not God, I’m human.  I’m meant to be imperfect and, well, I’m perfect at that!  They always warn you that as a mother, you’ll worry about everything. They weren’t kidding. EVERY. THING.

I worry about…

…if I got the laundry done that the family needs this week.

…if my house is clean enough to not be embarrassing for Coffee Group.

…if I’ve forgotten something for lack of writing it in a calendar or adding it to my Google calendar (love that thing…it reminds me of so much.)

…bills, accounts, and how that grocery list just keeps growing this week.

…if my kids are eating a healthy enough diet.

…if my daughter will EVER learn to keep her mouth shut in school. (Okay, I know the answer to that one and it isn’t good…but I really WANT her to be a step above her mother!)

…investments, college funds and retirement.

…if the timing will ever be right for us to move out of base housing. (Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of advantages, but I want my OWN house…with some actual storage space.)

…deployments. That’s right, I worry about them long before they ever get here…then stress during them…only to worry more when he does get home. I don’t know when or if I will ever learn to relax and just enjoy the time that he IS home. Probably when he retires…and is annoying me because he is home all the time. LOL.

…military jobs. It used to be that the military was the most stable job with the most unstable lifestyle.  Well, we’ve lived in the same place for well over the standard threshold…our deployment cycle has been painfully predictable…and yet with the force reductions, jobs are a question mark and our government has found a way to put all of our service members’ pay in jeopardy. Nice. Add that to the list of worries.

…my kids. Constantly. If we are raising them well, if they will turn out to be strong, independent, compassionate and honest.

...and so many other things.  This is just what popped in my head when I sat down…perhaps I will update and add to this as more things worry me...

~Jac

Moms Shouldn't Get Sick...

I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. LOL. And it just started Saturday night. Bleh! Fever, body aches, the whole nine yards. I've been taking OTC meds and trying to rest but that just doesn't come easily to a full-time mom. I love my Bugs and caring for them is my ‘job’…though I consider it more of a luxury than work. The worst part is that I’ll feel ‘fine’ while I am sitting calmly on the couch or in bed…so then I get to thinking about all things that I could be doing and all the ways that I could be productive…so I get up and start doing stuff and promptly start feeling like crud again. Ugh! It is a vicious circle.  I am blessed to have my hubby home this weekend, though.  He has really picked up the slack for me…doing laundry, cooking, doing dishes and other miscellaneous cleaning/chores as well as taking care of and entertaining our sweet children.

Just Me and My Girl...

Yesterday I got to enjoy some time with just my girl. It was so much fun…but a bitter reminder that she hardly resembles the child that she was when we welcomed her brother to the family.  She’s always been fiercely independent and incredibly intelligent. None of that has changed.  But we were a part of everything and every moment in her life…even when she started Pre-K, it took her almost as long to recap every moment of her day (3 hours) as she spent IN school. Now she is in Kindergarten and from 7:55 am – 3:10 pm, we are out of the loop. Don’t get me wrong, we still get a drawn-out recap of the day most afternoons and she spends 3:10 pm till bath time talking non-stop.  But seeing her in her element with her friends is both amazing and disheartening.  

K’s classroom Valentine Party was yesterday afternoon and an amazing and wonderful friend of ours watched our sweet lil’ man so that I could go to the party. It was a fun afternoon with a class of 5 and 6 year old children. They made a craft, had some snacks and exchanged Valentines. It was so cute and so sweet and a nice treat to be able to focus on just her for a little while. She, of course, was thinking of her brother the whole time. She wanted to save her juice box for him and save at least half of her treats for him, too.  Even when it’s ‘her’ time, she is always thinking of him.  She has the biggest, kindest, sweetest heart and she just adores her baby brother. I kept reminding her that this was her party and she did not have to give her treats to him.  As much as they love each other, time apart is both good for them and necessary.  And good for me…I got to just have a Kindergartner for a little over an hour and give her my undivided attention while spending time with her in ‘her world’.   Always time well spent…

~Jac

P.S. When they were given 'prizes' at the party, she asked if she could please take two of the bracelets...one for her and one for her brother...when they said yes (all the prizes needed to be gotten rid of since it was the last party of the year), she picked an orange bracelet for him (his favorite color). Love her...

My Baby has 'Boy Feet'...

He’s a Mamma’s boy. There is no denying that. But, he’s not quite 3 yet so that is to be expected. I suppose I know that he will grow out of it at some point…maybe…I secretly hope not. I secretly hope that ‘I’ll Love You Forever’ is about the two of us and we will have this amazing bond forever.

He constantly reminds me that he is a ‘Big Dude’. Literally, he is not. He is short and scrawny for his age. But healthy as can be and as strong as an ox! I know that one day a growth spurt will take him from looking six months to a year younger than his age to looking two-plus years older than his age. What he means, though, is that he can do it himself. Everything. Put on his jammies, bathe himself, feed himself, dress himself, get in the car himself, figure it out himself. He wants to be big like Daddy and he acts like Daddy is the center of the universe because he is so big and strong and seems to know everything. He asks about him constantly when he is not around. He runs to him when he gets home from work…immediately asking him to play or rough house or whatever suits his mood for that day.

He climbs in Daddy’s lap to play games or read books after supper. Did I mention he loves his feet? Lil’ Man, not Daddy. He loves his feet…and his toes even more.  He constantly reminds us, saying ‘I wub my feet’. While they play, he holds his fat little feet in his chubby little hands. He may be scrawny everywhere else, but his feet and hands still remind me of a chunky little infant. He holds his feet…unaware that he is even doing so.  When the book ends, Daddy kisses his forehead and says ‘Whatcha doing?’…’I holdin’ my feet an my toes’ he says in that adorable tiny dude voice.  Daddy reaches down and holds his feet, too.  We’ve joked for almost 3 years now about how fat his feet are…they really look like hunks of summer sausages with tiny lil’ smokies attached to the ends. Shoes have been a challenge…must be lace-up so that they will be able to be loosened to go all the way around his feet.  He started walking…full-on walking…at 9 months and his feet remained round on the bottom.  Skinny little boy…fat sausage feet. But he loves his feet.

I’m sitting next to them through this exchange. Not paying too much attention, but Mamma always knows what’s going on with the family. It’s our job, right? Daddy says ‘Have you seen this, Mamma?’  So, I look up and he shows me. Lil’ Man’s feet have bones across the top…and an arch! Don’t get me wrong, they are still chubby as feet go and I know he’s not any older. Not by more than 10 seconds since the last time I glanced over at the two of them.  But in my mind he’s suddenly 12 years old with stinky boy feet, sweaty armpits and with no need for his Mamma. I like being needed by this tiny dude, but there will be time for that still…right?

They go upstairs to get ready for bed and I hear the familiar sounds of what is sure to be a messier-than-necessary shower. But most things are messier-than-necessary with Lil’ Man.  He has had a lingering cough…off and on…for the past few days. I hear him start up again. It breaks my heart. Daddy pours some medicine for him and calls down to me that they are done and ready for prayers.  We say our bedtime prayers as a family and dole out hugs and kisses…K goes to her room to check her alarm, put out clothes for school and go to sleep.  Lil’ Man comes over to me…climbs up in my lap…’Mamma, I wub you. Can I snuggie you?’…as my heart melts, I pull a blanket over him, snuggle him down into my arms and reach for his feet…I always kiss his toes good night. And they aren’t stinky…yet.  As his cough subsides and sleep sneaks in, he mumbles ‘Mamma, I am yous dude.’ Love…

~Jac

Coffee, Pop-Tarts and my Lil' Man...

Few things make a morning better than spending it with one or both of my sweet children.  K has been so independent all her life that she never was a 'snuggler' or one to spend part of the morning in my lap while we eat breakfast and whatnot. Now, she'd sit in Daddy's lap and watch car shows all morning on Saturday...but she was Daddy's Girl from the instant she entered this world.  C, on the other hand, is a snuggler. Has been since the moment he entered this world. He didn't use to care much about who snuggled him, but as he gets older, he has begun to prefer me...a definite Mamma's Boy at this point.  But, at 2 1/2 that is acceptable.

Today I woke up with the worst headache and Little Miss Independent went on about her business getting ready for school and selecting her breakfast.  She is buying lunch today, so she needed even less help (at least on cold-lunch days, she needs/wants me to pack her lunch for her).  She didn't need anything from me until all that was left was her hair.  She has a thick, coarse mop of wavy hair and at 5 1/2 she has neither the patience or skill to fix it herself. And we have a hair rule...hair must be up and out of the face for school.  So, I went to fix her hair and that was that.

We took her to school and then came back home to enjoy our quiet morning routine.  Just me and Lil' Man. Most days he begins with a bucket of cars and does his own thing while I get a cup of coffee (usually my second of the day).  But today as I got my coffee (first cup of the day since I was barely functioning enough to make a ponytail for K, much less fix my coffee and drink it when I first got up), he came in and asked for 'Pop-Arts' (Pop-Tarts)...I told him yes and he went to pick which flavor he wanted this morning.  Now, in general, I do not believe Pop-Tarts to be healthy...but if you knew the rest of the diet preferences of my two kids, you'd understand why I don't care much if that is what they choose for breakfast.  They prefer apples, carrots, grapes, broccoli and anything that can go in a salad far more than they do cookies, cakes, candies or any other sort of processed or pre-packaged foods.  I believe that, in moderation, it's okay to splurge on some things as long as you are balancing it with fresh, healthy choices as well.  So, 'Pop-Arts' it is. : )

Then, now this is the best part, he says 'Mamma, let's snuggle and eat Pop-Arts together'...AWWWW! Yes, Lil' Man, I will snuggle with you and eat Pop-Tarts!!! So, we spent the next hour...just the two of us...snuggled on the couch eating Pop-Tarts and drinking coffee/milk (respectively).  No TV, no games, no computer, no phone....just me and my baby that is growing up too fast. Sure, I could have switched the laundry, unloaded the dishwasher or sorted the mail from yesterday...but those are still there waiting for me...and he has now moved on to reading book, playing number games and Bad Piggies on his Kindle. That moment is gone but the rest remains. So took the opportunity to share that moment with him and I'll get to the rest later...

~Jac