No kids? No opinion.

Oh how I wish people that don't have kids would stop 'helping' or offering 'suggestions' or even ranting about or to people that do have kids. Believe me when I say that you DO NOT KNOW until you have LIVED IT. Don't worry, I know there will be plenty of negative feedback from this little gem. Don't worry, your opinion probably doesn't mean much to me.

There, I've said it. I've called them out and I don't even feel bad. As a matter of fact, I feel better.

I love my children dearly. Like most parents, I believe that my children are smarter, funnier, more adorable, and more loving than anyone else's kids. I know I'm right, and that's just all there is to it. I also know that they are obnoxious boogers when they want to be...but that is for me to say, not you...you do not get to vote on that subject. It is my job to handle their jackassery and I certainly don't need non-parent assistance as I figure this out as I go along...because, believe me, you make up the rules and learn the game as you go along.

I see it all the time...in stores, blog posts, Facebook status updates, and even in my own backyard once upon a time. Because my filter quit working when I was pregnant with my first little Bug, I stopped that shit right in it's tracks. You don't have a kid? Awesome for you...you don't get to assist unless I ask, otherwise assume you know nothing. I know it is crude...and there are a small few, select folks that don't have kids that provide opinions or suggestions that don't send me in to an adult version of a tantrum. However, the difference between them and the folks that I'm referring to now is the respect factor. They respect me, my children, my family, and my position. When the offer ideas, it isn't in a degrading "My God, you just have no idea what you are doing!" sort of way, it is in a "I know you're running out of ideas and I really want to help." sort of way and usually with a glass of wine attached and an offer to help with bedtime. Love you guys. LOVE. Seriously.

I don't care if it is feeding, shots, general parenting, discipline, electronics, school, or anything else, until you have a child of your own that depends on you for everything and you are the sole person responsible for the health, well being, education, and livelihood of another human being (or people if you have an involved second parent...as I am luck to have), you do not get to comment, judge, make suggestions, or ridicule a parent for anything that they are doing (unless it is endangering the child).

In case you were wondering, parenting is like everything else...parents make mistakes. I let my kids drink Coke every now and again and they both started solid foods at 3 months regardless of the recommendations. We observe standard vaccination schedules, which many would argue is a mistake. There are days when I let them watch too much TV, play on their Kindles all day long, or (God help me because this is gonna really kill some of y'all) I let them play with my phone in the store to keep them occupied. I've been known to let them survive for a day on just Cilf bars and milk, leave school early for an event that is in no way related to academics, and play outside all day without sunscreen. All of these things are decisions that I made. I was well aware of the possible repercussions, but I chose to do it anyway. They could end up obese, diabetic, antisocial from the extra screen time, mistakenly dialed China or 911 when they played with my cell, or ended up with sunburn from exposure.

Sometimes nothing happens. My kids are healthy, if a little underweight at times. They have only really been sunburned once (maybe twice, but I can't remember it so it doesn't really count). Nobody is antisocial and, thankfully, I've had no cell phone bills for China or angry 911 operators to deal with so far. But it's out there, it's gonna happen, and when it does there will be a child-free person nearby just waiting to explain why my decision was a poor one or ranting on their Facebook pages or blogs about how parents just have no clue. If I'm lucky, they'll do it online where I won't see it...but when they do, I can assure you that there is a 'friend' on their Facebook or a 'follower' on their blog that will take offense because they will know that they truly have not basis or support for this soap box that they've climbed up on.

Before you ask, yeah, I get the irony in my ranting post compared to their ranting post...it's at least half the reason that I decided to write this thing anyway!

Kids make mistakes. Parents make mistakes. Guess what? We are all human. YOU have made mistakes...one of them is counseling parents when you have no background, but there are others. I am sure of it.  So when you are angry because I hand my kid a cell phone in Target to stop the constant barrage of questions (you do not know the feeling of an exhausted brain until your 4 year old wants to have a serious, in-depth discussion about time travel and the possibilities of parallel timelines, it's properties, ramifications, and technicalities) or when you see my kid eating a Snicker's bar and drinking a Coke while Netflixing 'White Collar' on their Kindle, feel free to keep your opinions, suggestions, and comments to yourself because if you share them, you can not be guaranteed that I will keep my mouth shut.

Teaching Respect and Self Respect Instead of Blasting Schools for Enforcing Dress Codes

There are so many blog posts, articles, and graphics going around about children and their parents getting offended over dress codes these days. In most of them, someone is flying off the handle because they (or their child) got into trouble for wearing something that violates an institution's written dress code. They get on a soap box about how we shouldn't assume boys have no impulse control, instead we should teach it to them or that a female's shoulders/back shouldn't be considered distracting or spaghetti straps shouldn't be a problem on a 6 year old, or whatever else they come up with at the time. But I don't agree. There, I said it. Feel free to freak out and argue with me or call me names. But, if you want to know my reasons, stick with me.

Though I will concede that the most recent article that I read was handled in a far more mature manner than the father that flipped out on his kid's elementary school, I still don't agree. And, in the end, the teen that wrote the letter referenced in the article was disrespectful and rude...I was with her until she wrote "because authority figures, and I use that term very loosely such as yourself"...directly insulting someone is not the way to make your point, ever. Whether she approves of the particular person filling the role of whatever XYZ authority figure, it isn't considerate of her to be blatantly disrespectful of that person. Not to mention, you don't have to respect an individual personally to respect the position that they hold. Disagree? Go ask anyone in the military if they've ever had a commander that they didn't quite mesh with...then ask them if they refused to follow orders because they didn't respect the individual personally...I guarantee anyone with a decent career will tell you that you first respect the position, then you respect the person. Personal respect is earned, not guaranteed...and now she has totally undermined herself by her actions.

First of all, undergarments are undergarments because they are designed to be worn UNDER your clothing...you cover up your underwear, so cover up your bra too. I know a LOT of folks (good friends, even) that will disagree with me and say that a bra strap here and there is not a big deal but to me it is. It is about self respect. Not modesty, not what others will think, not 'rape culture' as they keep calling it, but pure and simple self respect. Respect yourself enough to cover your private parts and your undergarments. It's not hard. Even with all the different halters, tanks, and racer back tops, there are nearly infinite bra options to suit any top you may choose so in the end, you are choosing to not respect yourself and your body.  

Second, public institutions have rules about what is acceptable clothing and what is not. I guarantee that the school dress code is not so new that these people do not have any idea what is acceptable and what is not. If you don't like the rules, breaking them and then throwing a hissy fit when you get penalized is not the answer. If that is how you handle it, you are simply trying to make yourself some sort of martyr since you got caught. If, however, you truly disagree with all or part of the dress code, bring it up appropriately and through the correct channels (like parent teacher conferences and/or school board meetings...or even simply make an appointment with a member of the school staff or principal) if you truly want anything to be done about it or any changes to be made. If you just do what you want and then go to social media to get sympathy and attention, you are just another rule breaker trying to find a way out by making 'the man' look bad. 

While I agree that female bodies are far more sexualized than is necessary and boys deserve far more credit for their ability to maturely handle seeing a pretty girl (the world makes it sound like males have no impulse control just as much as it makes women seem like they are all sex kittens...neither of those are true and both are directly based on how we raise our children), actions like this will not change any of those perceptions. What will change viewpoints is the way we raise our children, the way we teach them to care about their bodies, how we teach them to respect themselves, the way we teach them to view others, and the examples that we set for them to imitate. Teaching respect will, in turn, both earn respect and build self respect. 

What Not to Say ... or Maybe Just Keep Your Mouth Shut 'cuz Everyone is too Self-absorbed to Appreciate Your Attempt at Conversation

With all the blog posts floating around about "What Not to Say to XYZ" (insert your own label here...Couples without Children, Homeschooling Parents, Parents of Large Families, Parents of an Only Child, Public School Parents, Parents in Military Families, Parents of Multiples, Cloth Diapering Parents, so many others that don't even involve parenting, and so on and so forth), two things have become abundantly clear to me.

First, I do not know your struggle and you do not know mine. Yet I still belive that your comments or questions are not intended to harm or insult me. I believe this because I believe that the majority of people are not cruel by nature, nor are they intentionally seeking me out to do me harm. Social, yes...which is why they are even attempting to have a conversation with you in the first place. Let me say that first part again...I do not know your struggle(s). I am not trying to piss you off by engaging you in conversation anymore than you are intending to pissed me off with your idle inquiries and chitchat.

Second, people are all too sensitive yet simultaneously displaying an extreme lack of empathy and/or sympathy. Not everything is about you, your family, and your struggle. I know it is monumental to you, just as mine is monumental to me...but neither of us is the center of the universe . And while we're on that topic, your kids aren't the center of the universe either. Feel free to teach them that...they are our future, let's not raise them to be self involved and entitled.

So next time someone asks when "the next baby is coming" or "how long before you put the kids back in regular school", instead of being hurt and offended, SHARE your struggle.

Instead of assuming they are out to hurt you, respond with "Well, family planning can be a challenge but we are certainly happy to have our sweet lil' man."  Instead of being defensive about your schooling choice say "This is a great system for us and the kids are really flourishing, so we'll take it a year at a time and see how it develops."

In the end we can't blame someone else for being cruel and insensitive when we are just as much to blame for being defensive and hyper sensitive.