There are so many blog posts, articles, and graphics going around about children and their parents getting offended over dress codes these days. In most of them, someone is flying off the handle because they (or their child) got into trouble for wearing something that violates an institution's written dress code. They get on a soap box about how we shouldn't assume boys have no impulse control, instead we should teach it to them or that a female's shoulders/back shouldn't be considered distracting or spaghetti straps shouldn't be a problem on a 6 year old, or whatever else they come up with at the time. But I don't agree. There, I said it. Feel free to freak out and argue with me or call me names. But, if you want to know my reasons, stick with me.
Though I will concede that the most recent article that I read was handled in a far more mature manner than the father that flipped out on his kid's elementary school, I still don't agree. And, in the end, the teen that wrote the letter referenced in the article was disrespectful and rude...I was with her until she wrote "because authority figures, and I use that term very loosely such as yourself"...directly insulting someone is not the way to make your point, ever. Whether she approves of the particular person filling the role of whatever XYZ authority figure, it isn't considerate of her to be blatantly disrespectful of that person. Not to mention, you don't have to respect an individual personally to respect the position that they hold. Disagree? Go ask anyone in the military if they've ever had a commander that they didn't quite mesh with...then ask them if they refused to follow orders because they didn't respect the individual personally...I guarantee anyone with a decent career will tell you that you first respect the position, then you respect the person. Personal respect is earned, not guaranteed...and now she has totally undermined herself by her actions.
First of all, undergarments are undergarments because they are designed to be worn UNDER your clothing...you cover up your underwear, so cover up your bra too. I know a LOT of folks (good friends, even) that will disagree with me and say that a bra strap here and there is not a big deal but to me it is. It is about self respect. Not modesty, not what others will think, not 'rape culture' as they keep calling it, but pure and simple self respect. Respect yourself enough to cover your private parts and your undergarments. It's not hard. Even with all the different halters, tanks, and racer back tops, there are nearly infinite bra options to suit any top you may choose so in the end, you are choosing to not respect yourself and your body.
Second, public institutions have rules about what is acceptable clothing and what is not. I guarantee that the school dress code is not so new that these people do not have any idea what is acceptable and what is not. If you don't like the rules, breaking them and then throwing a hissy fit when you get penalized is not the answer. If that is how you handle it, you are simply trying to make yourself some sort of martyr since you got caught. If, however, you truly disagree with all or part of the dress code, bring it up appropriately and through the correct channels (like parent teacher conferences and/or school board meetings...or even simply make an appointment with a member of the school staff or principal) if you truly want anything to be done about it or any changes to be made. If you just do what you want and then go to social media to get sympathy and attention, you are just another rule breaker trying to find a way out by making 'the man' look bad.
While I agree that female bodies are far more sexualized than is necessary and boys deserve far more credit for their ability to maturely handle seeing a pretty girl (the world makes it sound like males have no impulse control just as much as it makes women seem like they are all sex kittens...neither of those are true and both are directly based on how we raise our children), actions like this will not change any of those perceptions. What will change viewpoints is the way we raise our children, the way we teach them to care about their bodies, how we teach them to respect themselves, the way we teach them to view others, and the examples that we set for them to imitate. Teaching respect will, in turn, both earn respect and build self respect.
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