Well, it’s been a long
while. And I have missed you all.
Like most families, the
end of the school year was fantastically busy for us. Not in a bad way…it helped the days seem to
fly by. Our sweet little girl has finished
Kindergarten…I didn’t cry when she started pre-k or when she finished…I didn’t
cry on the first day of Kindergarten nor at their Kindergarten Celebration…no
tears at her first ‘Field Day’ or the morning of her last day of school…but
when she stepped out of the Kindergarten doors and announced that she was a 1st
Grader on the last afternoon of Kindergarten, I got a little misty. It is so cliché
to say that time just slips away…but it truly does. Oh, it doesn’t seem like it
‘in the moment’…but the next thing you know, she’s starting 1st
Grade instead of sleeping in your lap after an early-morning bottle. 
And then there’s our lil’
man. LOL. I shouldn’t say it like that. He has grown up a lot in the past few
months as well. Though you wouldn’t know that when he curls up in my lap to
suck his thumb and go to sleep at night.
Yeah, I should be breaking the thumb habit. And I have no ‘reasons’ not
to…just excuses…his teeth/bite aren’t suffering and it’s just for a few minutes
while he is falling asleep, then his thumb ‘falls out’ of his mouth and he
never goes back to it during the night. Of course, then there are the nights
that he falls asleep talking…full-on talking, mid-sentence! On those nights,
who even cares about the thumb issue?! 
We've been to the Zoo, played in the sprinkler, eaten lunch on the porch and supper on the swings. Both of the kids performed fantastically at their Gymnastics Open House and had a blast on a field trip to Gifford Farm. We've watched movies during the bad weather and sat on the porch during the pouring rain. We've laughed and cried together and talked to Daddy on Skype at every opportunity.
As for me, I've started a new business and made so many new friends with it. I've really excelled and even earned quite a few bonuses and incentives. Besides how much I love what I'm doing, I love that it doesn't require me to give up any time with my Bugs...these kids are my world and with this business I can create my own schedule, still be there for them constantly and still have a little some thing that's 'mine'.
I felt bad yesterday when
a very good friend of mine asked me how I was doing during this deployment. I
told her that it was a ‘tough one’ and then realized later that that seems to
have become my new standard answer. And that’s not fair. They are all tough…that
part’s for sure. But it isn’t tough the whole time. There are good times. But
it seems that in my “Old Age”, I am getting less and less tolerant of things.
And it’s not even me or the kids that I’m sad for, it’s J. The kids, truly, don’t know any different.
This is how their life has always been and they don’t know any other way. They
know that our neighbors and friends love them like they are family and that
there is always someone (usually a group of our closest ‘military family members’
in the crowd to cheer them on, no matter what). They know that they are loved
and they never question any of that. Oh, they miss their Daddy terribly…some
days worse than others. But for them it
is almost as exciting to tell him all about it on the phone or on Skype. That’s
when I get sad…that he has to live life with us online or on the phone. There
are so many horrible, dreadful, uncaring fathers out there that see their kids
every day (or CHOOSE to NOT see their kids) and here’s the best, most loving
and involved father and he has to experience half of his children’s lives
through the computer. Awkward and ironic twist, huh?
Today is bad (so was
yesterday). I’m lonely. I miss my best friend, partner and father of my sweet
angels…I miss my husband…I miss having my family all in one place. But tomorrow
will be better. Tomorrow the sun will
shine (God, I pray that it does…we just cannot do this gloomy, rainy weather
any longer) and we will celebrate with friends and for a few moments I will
forget that when my house empties, it’ll be just me and the kids again. But
then the weekend will be here…C will start T-Ball and we will cheer him on…K
will start “Surfin’ Through Summer” at her school as well as T-Ball and before
you know it, this trip will be almost over. And then I’ll have to share the
remote, argue over the thermostat (my poor, thin-blooded husband will complain
that it’s too cold in the house) and remember that I’m not the boss anymore
(well, that one is a stretch…but transitioning back to dual-parenting is always
a bit of a struggle). So, I apologize, Dear Friend...it isn't always tough. Just most of the time. LOL. Thankfully, she lives the same life, so I am sure she knew what I meant regardless of what I said.
I hope the end of the school year has brought fun, laughter and excitement to your life as it has ours...
~Jac
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