MilSpouse: "Mamma, we decided you must be Superwoman because you can fix the car and make supper!"

Being a Military Wife means a lot of things...a lot of different things to a lot of different people. Outsiders think it is a glamorous life of world-travel, gifts brought home from various countries, sunshine, wealth, rainbows, wildflowers and beautiful homecomings. Some of those are true. I've gotten some amazing gifts from my husband's travel (note HUSBAND'S travel...he is the active duty member in our house...he does the traveling...I do not, unless it is on our own dime...and speaking of dimes, we don't get an over abundance of those, either) and the homecomings are beautiful, exciting, full of love and almost as many tears as the farewells.  Some think it is nothing but doom and gloom, single-parenting, finances that don't balance and time that is always running out.  Some of those things are true, too. Single-parenting sucks and finances do take a lot of planning and sometimes a bit of creative execution. But to me, it means more than all of that.

MilSpouse to me means independence, strength, courage, vulnerability, creativity and endurance.  It isn't a sprint...it is a long, drawn out, exhausting, exhilarating and rewarding double ultramarathon. It is worth every gut-wrenching, bone-tired second because as soon as that second is over, it's over and you're on to the next one and that is the second that takes your breath away.

Hubby is gone on a short trip right now and having had him home for a looooong stretch (7 months...yes, in our life, that is looooong) has given me a fresh outlook on our lifestyle. This trip will be less than half the length of what we are accustomed to, so it really just feels like a breath of fresh air. Not to mention, he will be stateside the entire time, so we can even still text and call without issue! It is a chance for me to fill my hours doing all the things that I don't want to waste 'together time' doing when he is home (don't be jealous that I reorganized my kitchen counter tops three times today to see which lay-out I liked better and cleaned every single slat on the window shade behind the kitchen sink). But it is also a chance for me to remind myself that I don't love him because I need him...nor did I marry him because I need someone to take care of me. I love him...and married him...because of who he is, who I am when I am with him and who we are when we are together. He is amazing, intelligent, funny, a devoted father and perfect for me.  Me? I am independent, bossy, structured, a devoted mother and perfect for him. :)  <3

The truth is that TDYs and Deployments play to my strengths for the most part. I get to make all of the decisions, do things my way and on my schedule and creatively solve problems.  In a way this is so so so so bad for him, especially when he is gone for extended periods...he comes home and feels unnecessary because things run so smoothly when he is gone. I live with an 'I can do it' attitude. Change a tire? Got it. Dead battery? No biggie, jump it...charge it..replace it...I've got this. Leaky sink? Sure, I can figure that out. Grass needs to be cut? Okay (Lord how I hate yard work), fire up the lawn mower and let's get to it. 2 inches of snow? Awesome, suit up the kids and myself and we'll have it shoveled in no time. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of things that I can't do on my own and I know that. That's what my Daddy is for (LOL)...I can call him anytime and if he can't walk me through what I need to do, he can tell me who to call. In truth, we could go a whole trip (or two or five) without me NEEDING to talk to Hubby to resolve an issue. It doesn't mean I like constantly putting out the fires that always flare up just as things seem smooth, just that I don't worry about IF I can handle it, I just DO.  But, I like to talk to him. I like getting his opinion...even if it is after I've already handled the situation, it's nice to know if he would have done the same thing or if there is some other option that I may have missed in the heat of the moment. And the BEST part of all of that? He loves me for that same independence that sometimes leaves him feeling left out. It means he doesn't have to worry about us. We may struggle, be sad and miss him but we can handle it and anything that comes along with it. He is free to do his job, to keep us all safe and spend his hours focused on what is going on there and now...no nagging worry in the back of his mind.  Home life for a military family is all about support and that starts with mutual trust and support in the relationship. I couldn't ask for a better partner to share this (or any) life with...he always supports and encourages me, he is proud of the way I handle things both when he is home and on the road and because he is unconditionally supportive, I thrive.

It definitely isn't always sunshine, wildflowers and rainbows. There are days that I am incredibly lonely...I'm a social person and it is always the being alone that will get to me first. It's the kind of lonely that comes from having your heart sent half way around the world or half way across the country. It is cold, harsh and debilitating if you let it get to you. There are days that I just don't want to have to handle anything else...I just want bed time to get here so we can all go to sleep, wake up tomorrow and start a fresh (and, hopefully, less lonely) day. Lots of things can trigger the loneliness...a song on the radio (EVERY song on Sirius/XMs Prime Country reminds me of Hubby, so I try to avoid the whole damn station)...sometimes it is a day of one thing after another or several days in a row where there is SOMETHING that goes wrong each day.  I don't want to be sick and home alone with two little ones depending on me, I don't want to have to deal with some weird light that came on in my car on the way home, I don't want to have to charge/change a battery in negative windchills or try to guide a moody, emotional 6 year old through life by myself...I just don't wanna. But then something amazing happens. I do it anyway, without complaint (well, at least not in front of the kids) and I hear this: "Mamma, we decided you must be Superwoman because you can fix the car and make supper!" And now every pain-in-the-ass second of it is totally worth it as I realized that without even trying, I taught my children one of life's greatest lessons...it's not about what life hands you, it's about what you do with it.